War. Some thoughts.

Hi there,

Barry Chindouche here. According to the internet, there are over 479 conflicts currently being waged across the globe. I thought I would give you, the public, some thoughts about war. Here they are, in a very particular order.

(1) War is not definitely bad
I know a lot of you will have choked on your breakfast having read the above line. Well, pull the cornflakes from your nose and open your brains. Yes, war has some negative elements. However, there are many, many positive sides to war. Such as:

• Broad minded youths: War involves travel. Travel broadens the mind.
• Jobs for arms manufacturers: The UN claims 212 million people are unemployed. Do we really want to add to that figure? No. War keeps people in jobs.
• Increased ethnic diversity: Soldiers get frisky (due to a potent mix of loneliness and a perverse love of explosions). When they enter new countries, they will find love in the local women. And thus ethnic diversity is promoted.
• Filling up rolling news channel schedules.
• Spreading democracy.

(2) War is inevitable

Don't believe me? Well, let's ask history.

BC: Hello history, have wars always happened?

H: Yes.

BC: Thanks history.

I. Rest. My. Case.

(3) Some wars are made up

Make sure you do your research next time you hear about a war. 37% of all wars have some element of untruth to them. Statistically¹, this means that at least one war will be completely faked. You have been warned.


So there you have it. War. It's raw. Try not to have nightmares.

B. Chindouche

¹ For help with statistics, see future post "Statistics - 1 in 33% of people don't get it. I do.".